Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
