Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
