i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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