I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
