Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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