I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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