Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
