Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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