You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
