Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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