my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
