im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
