just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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