No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
