dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jerry, you need to find god
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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