All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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