Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
