so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
