im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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