im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
