my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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