you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
