I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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