Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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