Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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