i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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