it hurts more in the daytime
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
