he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
