So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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