i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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