We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
