I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
