Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
