i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
