you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
