pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
