Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
