your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
