Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
