I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
