i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you bring me the toilet please
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
