the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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