Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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