I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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