My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
