My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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