If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
