He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
