I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
