I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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