I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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