So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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